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谁在看你的文书?

Who  are  evaluating  your  essays?

一堆刚刚大学毕业的助理人员比你大4~5岁的年轻人将首次阅读你的作文

一到两个有5年左右经验的副主任你的文章必须值得阅读两次以上,才有可能进入最终筛选环节

一个有十几年招生经验的主任因为人数众多,找到值得录取的理由比是否需要拒绝更为现实

其他相关人员有招生经验的工作者,他们的意见也会被列入参考

他们想从你的文书中寻找什么?

一句话看懂美国本科文书的关键词

One  sentence  to  catch  the  undergraduate  essay's  keywords.

读懂题外之意

What  are  they  looking  for?

4个概念从此不再混淆

3个类型适用于通用申请

如何打破文书写作定势?
几种致命的写作错误
开头平淡阅读一篇作文只有几分钟,开头无法吸引注意力,将很难留下印象
粗心标点,拼写等低级错误,是招生官鸡蛋里挑骨头的最佳靶子
长句作文题目通常有严格的字数限制,多余的词汇和句式将干扰表达
华丽简单的语言更令人喜爱,也更能有力,直接,清晰地传递你的思考
重复不要将文字浪费在罗列其他申请文书中已经涉及的信息
如何破译文书题目潜台词?
看似雷同的题目 有不一样的写法
细节用令人信服的,充实的具体情节,让招生官“目击”你的世界
活动你的行动和经历,从各个方面充分展示了你是什么样的人
反思通过对自己的反思和分析,展示出美国大学所亲睐的成熟和坚持的品格
独特你就是你,没有必要面面俱到,也不用伪装成其他人
保持兴趣从开篇到结尾,能让招生官兴致盎然地看完,你就赢了一半
本科文书自查清单一览
偏离航线的写作“雷区”
宗教对于中国的中学生来讲,评论宗教是一种风险较高的尝试
搞笑将你的作文读给第二个人听,如果他没有笑出来,还是放弃吧……
一晚突击文书要求有时候好几年都不变,为什么不多花一些时间准备呢?
套模板招生官看的作文太多了,相信我,他们一眼就会认出来
找人代写无论他人如何指导,只有你最清楚自己的事情,请务必高度参与

美国本科名校文书写作题目全景

An  overview  of  the  essay  topics  from  top  universities.

点击了解 你的申请学校文书要求

十大文书写作主题的灵感段落

10  enlightening  paragraphs  of  their  essays.

  • 大学选择
  • 成长经历
  • 兴趣爱好
  • 个人故事
  • 成就
  • 学术追求
  • 国际化经历
  • 文化群体
  • 书籍文学
  • 个性化命题
  • Prof. Robert Joseph Lefkowitz said, science is like peeling an onion. I agree: there is always another layer to peel away. Learning about Duke is also like peeling an onion. The more I learn about Duke, the more I want to go. The motto “Eruditio et Religio” matches my impulse to view my neurobiology project on emotion in the context of religion. The next layer revealed the Duke Focus program - indispensible for me to pursue neuroscience while also receiving interdisciplinary training in an integrative and interactive setting. Peeling another layer and talking to current students, I have fallen in love with Southern hospitality. I am eager to join in the Duke Engage program, traveling and helping both locally but globally. At the sweet core of the onion, I can’t wait to paint my face blue, rushing into Baldwin Auditorium and cheering for the Blue Devils.

    ——Duke Tiandao2014 Supplement Essay 科学就像一层层剥开一只洋葱,而杜克给我的惊喜和吸引正是如此。

  • I smelled the apple. The fresh scent mirrored my newfound eagerness. Two years’ study made me become accustomed to encountering problems. Change did not seem so scary anymore, no matter whether it was a difficult project, a new school, or a foreign country. I was eager to challenge the unknown. I would apply the strategy I had learned in the studio: to openly recognize my shortcomings and to make changes in single steps. Where I had seen problems now lay boundless opportunity.
    I urgently restarted my sketch. My subject: so vivid in my mind that there was no need to look at the model. Myself: so confident that there was no need to be worried about the unknown. As I drew, I repeated what has since become my mantra: “It is in my hands.”

    ——Cornell Tiandao2014 Common Essay 用细腻的笔触描述了速写一个苹果的过程,并延伸至学习绘画中的成长

  • Most of us experience fairly similar “preparation” as we move from kindergarten to university and finally to the workplace, but as a result of our essentially different natures, we develop into unique individuals. Some people are like onions who quickly abandon their pungent odor and become sweet and inviting in the pan. Some, including me, are like carrots who require long periods of simmering to be softened. If you are a carrot, take your time to explore yourself in depth and expand your horizons; it is your nature to assimilate energy at a slow but steady pace. Do not waste all of your time envying the onions; they have their glossy appearances and tasty aroma, but you have your profound heartiness and long‐lasting fresh taste.

    ——Pomona Tiandao2014 Common Essay 从欢快的烹饪场景,引申到人生的启发“Understand yourself and stay true.”

  • Yes, the enzyme, a catalyst that people usually overlook. We always seem to focus more on the reactants and the products, just as we prefer to admire founders and leaders, those who achieve great success and are in the ‘spotlight’. I struggled, just like everyone else, to be the “most” important. Now, however, I know that I prefer to be an enzyme, managing the dynamic reactions within an organism and keeping life healthy from behind the scenes. Explaining difficult biology problems to my classmates, volunteering to play the background music, writing the script for the school broadcasting station, organizing talent shows to make other people shine, I strive to be the invisible yet strong wing that helps others fly.

    ——Duke Tiandao2014 Common Essay 学生用生物酶来比拟自己在团队中的作用,人生的价值和追求

  • Admittedly, I do enjoy the benefits of learning from others. Captivated by the magic of guitar after my friend’s performance at an art fair, I picked up guitar as a hobby. Now I can pass on the fun of guitar to disabled kids in specialized school. I signed up for the math club after seeing how girls flocked to the captain, but now the equations, curves, and coordinates have cemented my belief in the beauty of science. A skillful guitarist, a geeky mathematician, a swift swimmer—they have all become indispensable parts of me. Yet I am no longer satisfied by copying others’ success, as I was living others’ lives at the cost of my own identity.

    ——Brown Tiandao2014 Common Essay 展示个人光辉和优点的同时,结合了对自己的反思,显得更有深度

  • This past summer, when my family was traveling in Scandinavia, I decided instead to fly in the opposite direction to Cold Spring Harbor, to study at the lab of James Watson, the discoverer of DNA structure. I was not surprised to be fascinated by all of the pure biology in the courses; I was not surprised to be the only non‐American student, and I was not surprised by the questions about why I flew half way around the planet just for two weeks in a silly lab. In fact, I am no stranger to such questions. People would ask why I spend time reading so many long and tedious papers when all I need is to finish a small report on yeast. People would ask me why I am dying to know how much of Pistia’s dry mass is made up of its hairs. I have no better answer than to say, “There is so much more biology in these little things and I just love knowing it. I am following my heart.”

    ——JHU Tiandao2014 Common Essay 以具体的实际行动(暑期活动)展现了申请人对生物研究的极大热忱

  • “Architecture” at Cornell is more than just a course of study, it is an idea. Growing up in a city only born only 30 years ago, I have experienced how architecture could change my world and my life. I always wondered: “What is architecture?” I carried this question from China to Cornell. I found my answer. Cornell teaches me that Architecture is a medium through which to improve the world by the management of structure and space. Before I came to Cornell, I viewed each structure as an individual; however, Professor Henry Richardson taught me something different in class: Architecture is a community aspect and should be valued within a continuous historical context.

    ——Cornell Tiandao2014 Supplement Essay 讲述了在康奈尔学习的经历,将深度思考,学术追求与学校选择完美结合

  • At first I couldn’t understand why learning Chán involved carrying water for the temple. The rugged road was built with irregular rocks; buzzing insects were everywhere; the sun scorched my head and the muscles in my shoulders burned. I soon spilled most of the water in my buckets. Seeing my failure, the others offered to help. We adjusted my breathing, balanced two buckets around my shoulders and focused on nothing but the art of walking. Such sharp focus was really tough in that environment, but I kept improving. The hard labor trained me to remain calm and to concentrate despite outside influence. This is basic Chán. Now, when I encounter difficulty, Chán permeates my mind as I immerse myself in the problem.

    ——Chicago Tiandao2014 Supplement Essay 以佛学社的亲身体验,阐述了对“禅”的理解及其对自身的影响

  • Though drastically different in terms of language, documentary authors and Misty Poets share the courage to seek and reveal the truth, and the willingness to change the world through their own actions. I identify with this goal as an essential part of my own academic motivation. These artists’ courage to promote the truth despite the status quo inspired me to investigate Chinese stock market below the surface, to explore its flaws, and to shape my dream of improving my country’s markets through my own knowledge and practice.

    ——Chicago Tiandao2014 Supplement Essay 将纪实文学与诗歌的意义与经济学的专业追求融合,并在文尾得以升华

  • Dear Mantis Shrimp,

    Maybe you’re bragging to your fellows about your privilege over humans.Maybe you’re observing the electrical waves running through my neurons. Maybe you’re wondering why this weird man is constantly strolling in front of the aquarium.But before you break the glass and jump onto my face,I’m gonna tell you something about humans.Indeed,you’re cool for your admirable eyes, but As multispectral as your life may be, I bet you can see little meanings from it.We humans are cooler, for we can see beyond basic colors the crucial spirits of life. Seriously, WE ARE MISSING NOTHING.

    ——Chicago Tiandao2014 Supplement Essay 通过与螳螂虾的对话,引出人类对色彩背后的含义与洞见的讨论

灵感如何与学校要求匹配?

他们在天道用写作赢得了橄榄枝

In  Tiandao,  excellent  essays  get  them  chances  to  make  their  dreams  come  true.

朱丽丽

L同学刚来天道的目标是申请加拿大、
香港的学校,一来经济压力比较小,
二来竞争也没有那么强。但是在头脑风暴中,我们发现了L同学的与众不同。她思维全面,做事缜密,有很多外国朋友,外语老师就是哈佛毕业的美国人,最重要的是,她曾经做过一个美国奶牛发电产业的调研,该地区距离达特茅斯学院较近,这也是我们最终把目标定在达特茅斯学院的原因之一。

其实,在达特茅斯学院的申请文书中,还真的没有什么技巧可循,如果非得说有的话,那么它可能更喜欢返璞归真的表述,只有最朴素的表现, 才可能让学校看到最真实的你。

OFFER

达特茅斯学院,146万全奖(综合10) 本科 经济学与数学

全奖的美本文书什么样?>>

王琦

Q同学的标化不是太有优势,GPA也不
是最顶尖的,但是她的学术能力的确
是全校数一数二。在撰写文书的同时,Q同学陆续斩获了两个奖项。一个是学校的优秀毕业生,一个是National AP Awards。我们立刻就在网申里面强调了这两个奖项。

这么做主要是考虑到两点:一个是她们高中每年会有一两个学生能录取哥大,所以说哥大是挺了解这个学校的(后来她的面试官就是她的高中校友也侧面证明了一点)。第二个是AP AWARDS这个奖项学校有官方链接,全校四个人得奖,其他三个已经在YALE、JHU等名校读书了,只有她一个是高三在读,所以也在网申里面专门附上了这个链接和大致介绍了一下其他得奖学生的录取情况。

OFFER

哥伦比亚大学(综合4) 本科 工程学

如何在文书中突出自己的学术成就?>>

朱平

如果能让招生官看到长处之后,而忽
略他的短处的时候,相信这个时候离
成功就不远了。在留学文书方面,我们更要做到这一点。

虽然J同学活动比较多,但是比较杂乱,也没有相关的实习经验。通过讨论,我们以J同学的社会和校园活动为主线,恰到好处的展现了该同学对于社会学的认知,而且着重展示了他在社会公益活动方面一直的努力。长时间的国外生活经历也是J同学的优势,相比于其他申请人,他的文化认同度更好。

OFFER

康奈尔大学(综合16),伊利诺伊大学香槟分校 本科 Undecided

文书写作如何扬长避短?>>

肖磊

学生回顾:最让所有人,包括我自己惊喜的是LAC排名第四的Pomona向我伸出的橄榄枝。思考再三,觉得自己的主文书和辅助文书都很自然有意思, 所以才会赢得AO的信赖,毕竟这所学校平均录取SAT是2300,而并未到分数线的我一定因为在文书方面有独特之处才吸引了招生官的眼球。

顾问点评:学生属于对社会学科,特别是人类学专业很执着和热爱, Harvard SSP项目对学生专业的选择与确定影响很大,在Harvard的课堂上,学生接触到了一个教授用人类学研究的相关知识帮助美国当地居民赢得一起诉讼案,让学生感觉到人类学知识的奇妙作用,以及在我们生活中人类学知识无处不在,但国内没有系统的研究。所以我们给学生的定位是——未来人类学专业在中国的推广者。

OFFER

波莫纳学院(文理学院4),莱斯大学,加州大学伯克利分校,加州大学洛杉矶分校,弗吉尼亚大学 本科 Undecided

综合名校与文理学院的文书有何区别?>>

薛玉叶

学生从小就很向往星空,而且对数学和物理方面很感兴趣,回国也一直坚持着天文和数学的学科兴趣。于是我们利用学生曾经在北京天文馆学习作为切入点,建议学生在考试的期间,积极联系北京天文馆进行实习工作,深入天文研究。

我们和L经过不断地讨论修改,把独自申请作为加拿大代表队伍出战天文比赛的经历作为自己的闪光点,利用这个特殊的经历丈量自己的梦想和经历,结合学生自身对知识的渴望,不断突破自己为主线,呈现学生独特的魅力。

OFFER

布朗大学(综合14),约翰霍普金斯大学,加州大学伯克利分校,卡内基梅隆大学,南加州大学 本科 天文学

梦想不够独特?让我们来告诉你如何讲好一个故事>>

晏山

在分享了她对音乐的热情后,Z以这样一句话做结尾,“我想学数学。”大家都吓了一跳。文体部长,奥地利交流,音乐会主唱,国际奖项,这样一个文艺气息浓厚,优雅时尚的女孩子居然选择数学?

仔细追问,我们慢慢了解了Z和数学之间的不解之缘。从小Z在数学方面 就特别突出,经常参加竞赛,屡次摘获市级甚至国家级奖项。在我们一步一步挖掘下,Z同学惊讶地发现自己的背景居然是如此的统一,整张活动列表写满了她对数学和音乐坚持不懈的追求。她开始逐渐意识到两者的联系——数学就是另一种音乐,优雅,精致,给人带来震撼的美感。左手数学,右手玫瑰,学术也可以很感性,这就是Z同学整套文书的灵魂。

OFFER

莱斯大学(综合18) 本科 数学

活动列表与文书主线怎样做到完美统一?>>

范智萌

近年来有许多的交换生和暑期游学项目,许多的申请人中有相同的背景经历。如何凸显活动的不同成为重中之重。L原本是一个不爱说话脸上没有表情的女生。有这样的改变是因为高中二年级时L同学到美国高中一年的交换生经历,在交换的一年生活中,接待家庭的友爱和交换学校的合唱团活动让她感动而更加自信开朗。她把在美国交换的这一年经历写成了三万字的故事,也因此在后来做出了本科留学美国的决定。

此外,我们邀请了L同学在美国交换时的生物老师作为附加推荐人提交推荐信,争取了L同学在这方面的背景优势。

OFFER

波士顿学院(综合31),加州圣塔芭芭拉分校,波士顿大学,加州欧文分校,匹兹堡大学 本科 Undecided

如何将海外经历的真正意义体现出来?>>

和天道的顾问老师聊写作

有针对性的写作——天道文书创作坐标

一次成功的写作对话,可以适当补足或强化背景优势,令申请绝处逢生!

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